I have never gotten this close to something in my entire life… Let me back up a little bit.
It’s been 2 years and 5 months since Justin and I started our journey together as a couple. To say it’s been easy would be a lie. We have moments where we fight all day, we’ve hurt one another and had to win each others hearts again, we have also loved each other deeper than I’ve every experienced.
Before Justin I thought I was in love and happy. I was engaged to someone who took my trust and destroyed it. He was an alcoholic and so destructive. I found my way out of the pain he caused only by the grace of God Himself. The love God showed me through that situation was the reason I am who I am today.
I suppose as a damaged person I started looking to heal the pain in anyway I knew how. First I turned to anyone that would give me the time of day. Then I moved the pain to drinking and wanting to be someone I’m not. Third I turned to my family and the healing power being with loved ones has on you. I went from living on my own in Alabama to moving home to Indiana to find who I was again.
I binged on life. Went out on the town, traveled A LOT, mindlessly chased boys… until Justin appeared with his stupid dirty jokes and his attitude.
While Justin and I were just texting back and forth for months I went on a few dates. Non of which made me feel any type of way! At the end of the day I would be interested in talking to Justin and that’s what I would do.
Fast forward to today, 2/28/2019, Justin and I are getting married in 10 days and I couldn’t be happier. I think it’s funny when moments like these happen in life. You expect to feel like they do in movies! Like all the sudden everything makes sense and you live happily ever after… but in reality I still just feel like Katie! I don’t think I am overly nervous or overly excited. I am just feeling good and comfortable…
The one thing I am thinking about a lot more in the 10 days leading up to our wedding day, is how I feel like I need to close all these open doors. It is called closure after all! I think living life without finding peace can be toxic and no matter what you should also be finding a good resting place for your soul. Give yourself a break and just follow the direction you are feeling pulled in! It’s not that hard… our mind, body, soul, and heart are all working together to gentle pull you in one direction. Right now you are swimming against the current of life, all you need to do is let go of that control and listen.
I know most of my posts probably don’t seem to keep a clear path but this is my therapy session. It’s my chance to listen to my heart and to get all these pent up emotions out!
I hope you feel like these help you in someway. I know it helps me!! I wish you all nothing but love and happiness in life. Thank you for tuning into another panic on paper.